Our Leap of Faith

Hey Sweetie!
I'm afraid I haven't told you lately about what I feel for you.

Hmmm. I'm sorry! 

Let me change that right now. :)

Mr. Cuddly Bear, I am so excited for you, for me and for us right now.

You want to know why?
because...

Things are finally slowly falling into place!

A big thanks to our Daddy {our writer and matchmaker}!

Thank you so much for working so hard to follow what God wants you to do.

Credit card is almost paid off!
Yay!!!

You could have chosen to not deal with it, but you did!

It would have taken a lot longer for this to be over, but now I know that this will be over soon!

and with you moving to the new apartment, I believe it will even move forward faster.

Do you know why I trust you so much?

Because I can see that you trust God!

Thank you so much for seeking God always when you make decisions.

You may have made mistakes in the past, but those are forgiven.

And those does not define you.

I can really see how you are committing your life to Him right now.

That blesses me so much.

Our relationship has always been a continuous leap of faith from the start.

Yes there were so many happy and wonderful moments.

But there were lots of hard times too.

There have been so many instances where I think others might want to give up already.

But you didn't.

I didn't.

We didn't.

 ♥

Thank you for inspiring me to continue pushing forward with my schooling.

You have seen my roller coaster ride of emotions and yet you never left.

Thank you!

You have been with me when I needed to choose.

Should I just give up or continue?

Then you reminded me of what God would want for me.

He only wants the best.

For me.

For us.

Right now, I'm taking another leap of faith.

Thank you for taking the leap with me.

 I really truly appreciate having you in my life.

I love you so much!

Now you know why I am excited! :)

Happy 2nd Year Anniversary Baybee!

Oh wow.

We have been dating for two years now!!!

Can you imagine that?

Oh wait, we are not only dating

WE ARE ENGAGED!

It feels like our story just started yesterday.

the bazillion messages we sent to each other while getting to know each other

the huge phone bills you got {even when we were still friends that time}

 the video calls

Facebook chats

Yahoo Messenger chats

the numbered emails

and there was the time when we accepted the challenge of being in a long distance relationship

the Skype dates

movie dates {over Skype}

coffee dates {still over Skype}

unlimited free Gmail calls {which is not free anymore}
etc.

but the best things were the hugs and kisses {in person}
the real coffee date
the fun time we had at the beach
the "holding hands while walking"
 jeepney rides
etc.

We have gone a long way.

and we have God to thank for that. ;)

Baybee, thank you for being my partner, my constant encourager and my number 1 supporter.

Thank you for being my spiritual leader.

Thank you for your honesty and for your respect for me.

Thank you for loving me and showing me your love in many ways.

 I love you so much!

I am so blessed that you are in my life.

I always thank God for putting you in my life.

He knows I need you!

There are still lots of uncertainties in the future but I know I am not alone.

You are with me!

I was inspired to write a song for you.

Remember the song I made for you for our 1st year anniversary?

Well, here is another one for you and I hope you will love it!


There's No Way But Up 

A Story of Love: An Answered Prayer

read first post here

read second post here

I can say now that I really was a very persistent friend to Steve.
I was even wondering why I was so persistent.

When I think of it now, God has been probably putting something in my heart that time. 

He revealed to me that I'm gonna have an answer to my old prayer way back in 2007.

2007

God made me realize that I don't have to rush into getting in a relationship.

He opened my eyes that I should just focus on my studies and not think about it yet.

Although, He told me that the right man will come at the right time. *excited*

That is why he is called the right man right? :D
Hmmm... So I decided to just wait and pray.
And you want to know what my prayer is?
It has been the prayer of my heart as I was patiently waiting so I know it by heart.
I was even specific on the qualifications. LOL

Father, at the right time, I pray that you will give me a man in my life. Not just an ordinary man or any other man but a man after your own heart. I pray that he will take care of my heart just as how you take care of mine. I also want a man who has the same faith as mine. I just want to serve you with him by my side and not have him hinder my relationship with you. I would be even more blessed if I will have him as my spiritual leader. So maybe a little older than me, say 5-7 years. And of course Father, I want a handsome man and he probably should be taller than me. He should also be silly and romantic at the same time.♥

Father, I also would like to make a difference in his life when I will finally get to meet him. I am not asking for a broken man because  I know that you alone can fix broken and crushed hearts. I just want to help and show him how much you love him and that he is someone worth loving. I would love to be the one who will remind him that his past does not define him at all.

Father, I know that if I delight in you, you will give me the desires of my heart. So here are the desires of my heart. Thank you for listening Papa!

2010
Steve and I spent a lot of time just chatting over Yahoo Messenger and exchanging messages.
When we got more comfortable, we then started the video calls.
The funny thing is he doesn't have a webcam yet that time and I have one.
So he can see me but I can't see him.
I could hear him though {I love how deep his voice is}.

It was June of 2010 when he stopped talking to me again.
And this is where you get to know how persistent I really was that time.
Since he won't talk to me, I started writing him emails.
Yup! I even numbered them.
I wrote to him about just anything: my experiences, frustration and joys.
And it always ends to this, "Where are you?" and "I hope to talk to you soon".

I also asked him to get a webcam. haha!

There were no replies to my emails.

NOTHING AT ALL.

That can be very frustrating but I never gave up!

I sent emails and finally got a reply for my Letter No. 9.

It was very looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

He told me about how sorry he is and that he was just really busy.

He went on and said about things that I helped him realize over the past few months.

He said I helped provoke things in him and helped pull blinders off his eye.

and then suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head!

and I was like, Father, what is going on?

This was like one of my qualifications for a man!

You can't be serious Papa! He is like so far from here!

I reviewed my prayer.

Yes I can see that he is like the answer already, but why does he have to live so far?

Then I was like I did not specify the place!

HAH!

So that is why!

I was filled with so many questions and doubts.

There I was slowly realizing that he is the answer to my prayer and have no idea how to convince him.

I even have a hard time convincing myself because of our distance.

So here comes my answered prayer who has ZERO idea about it.

Should I tell him about it?

Isn't that embarassing?

But if I won't tell him, how will he know?

Should I let this man go when God is telling me that he is the man for me?

What to do? What to do?

guess you will have to see in my next post... ;)

A Story of Love: Persistence and Friendship

read first post here

2010

I was wondering how he was doing the time he stopped talking to me.

I felt like it was up to me to make a move and check on him.

Maybe a Facebook post on his wall will catch his attention. hmmm

I am persistent like that! ;)

{January 2} Hannah: Steve! Happy new year! Hope to hear from you soon. :D 

I waited.

There was no comment or reply or anything. 

My mind was telling me that maybe he really doesn't want to talk to me.

My heart was hoping that he was just busy and that he will contact me soon.

I was busy with school that time too but I would always check FB hoping that he was there.

But there were no signs of Steve anywhere.
then...

{March 19} Steve: Hey you. Sorry haven't been on in while. Excited to hear you're doing your finals. I will keep you in my prayers for school as well as your trip to the US.  Are you going to one of the events?

Finally, after months of waiting, he posted a message on my wall! 
Uh huh! 
The trip to the US he was talking about was a desire of my heart.
There were so many things to consider that time so it did not happen yet but it will!
I was so happy and excited that he replied!
I replied right away!

We exchanged a few FB posts and he stopped replying again.
I was beginning to think that there was something wrong going on. 
It turns out that his modem died. They will send him a new one but he has to wait.
He asked how my exams were and that he will continue to pray for the trip.
I told him I passed all my subjects and thanked him for all the prayers.
When he did not reply again, I bugged him about his modem. 
I even told him that he better talk to me or else...haha

After few days of waiting {again}, I asked him how he was.
Then he said he was a little frustrated with himself.
When I asked why, he did not reply anymore.
I was worried that he was fed up with me.
When I think back to that time, I really was very persistent that I may be annoying. haha

After the crazy appearing-disappearing, replying-not-replying act, he finally realized one thing.
He can't get rid of me.
I thank God that He gave me patience to be persistent and not give up on Steve. ;)
We talked more and more.
We would chat when he gets home from work.
We told each other our frustrations as well as our blessings and little joys.
We talked a lot especially in between his shifts and after my classes.
Our pasts, the present and some futures.
Our likes, dislikes and so many stupid and silly things.
We truly befriended each other.
He even changed his phone plan into unlimited text after receiving a huge bill since we started talking a lot. :D

When we talked about this later in the relationship, he admitted that at one point, he was trying to avoid me.
BUT not just me. He was trying to avoid everyone, even his friends and the fellowship.
He went into a very deep depression and hung out with people who knew nothing about him
There he was trying to hide from the world and there I am pushing him to open up.
Then he decided to continue talking to me because, hey, I am a stranger.
He felt he could just relax and have a casual conversation with me.
He said talking to me became the best highlight of his day. awhhhh
Isn't he the sweetest???

He was really not sure why I was so persistent in being friends with him.
As for me, I just love talking to him.
Its like I can tell him about everything and I am not worried that I'll be rejected or judged.
I don't know why I was very very persistent too.
I just knew that God was putting something in my heart that time.
I also knew that He was going to reveal something to me though I'm not sure what.
Is it about Steve and me?
Is it about our friendship?
Or is it about something better than that.
Like an answered prayer maybe? :)

more to come..

A Story of Love: The Start of Something New

I want to write something cute and wonderful in my blog but I don't know about what.
Then like an answered prayer, one of my favorite blog, Little Miss Momma came to the rescue.
I love it when that happens! ♥
You are an angel Miss Ashley! Thanks for the inspiration.

Every love story has a beginning.
Ours was not the typical "love at first sight" story.
No awkward glances. No butterflies in tummy.
We have not even seen each other in person that time.
It all just started with a friend request in Facebook.

August of 2008.
I was in my last year in college when I first heard of Facebook.
I just got home from school. I was gonna read the bimonthly magazine of our ministry July/Aug 2008 issue.
On the front page of the magazine were the words "Find us on Facebook". What is in Facebook?

So I went ahead and checked Facebook and I found myself signing up for an account.
Few moments later, I looked for the group of the ministry and started adding people from the group even if I don't know most of them. This was the time when people get thrilled when they get friend request.
I guess that is why they accepted my request. :)
I introduced myself to them saying that I am part of the ministry in the Philippines and would love to know people with the same belief as mine. They were mostly Americans.
I love being friends with people from a different country because of the uniqueness of each culture.
It is always fun to talk about similarities and differences.

I never knew that among those new friends that I have is my future fiance!
Steve accepted my friend request in September 2008.
He was doubting if he will accept my friend request or not. We have not seen each other in person yet.
He only knew that I am from the ministry but other than that, he totally don't know who I am.
Why will he be friends with me? hahaha.
He ended up accepting my friend request anyway.
Although, we never talked.

He deleted some friends in his list because he don't know them. I was suppose to be included.
Thankfully he never did.
He would have deleted his future fiancee.
He said he thought I was cute and there is really no harm of being friends with me. 
{I only knew his side of the story when we started dating.}

Life goes on.
I graduated from college by March of 2009 and applied for a scholarship for my masters degree.
I got accepted and was back to school by June 2009.
We still don't know each other.
However, one time, when I was going through my friends' walls, I stumbled on his.
That is when I noticed him. He have the most beautiful set of eyes!
He looks tough on the outside but I knew that deep inside, he is a sweet guy.
I don't how I knew. I just know.
I would look at his profile picture from time to time and study his facial expression.
I really think that he is handsome plus mysterious. I like that.
And he is 7 years older than me. I like that too!

Back that time, I was always online in FB chat and I would greet all of my online friends.
Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening! I was too friendly to everyone.
Then one day, he was online. I was online too. That was September of 2009.

Finally, after a year of being FB friends, we exchanged a few hellos.
Asked each other about how was class and asked how each other was.
We talked about how awesome it is to be talking even when we were so far away.
We also talked about time differences amazed that its my morning and its his evening.
We kept chatting whenever we catch each other on FB and just talk about different things.
He loves to write loooooooong messages. I always tease him. I call him a novelist.
It was all going smoothly until he decided to just disappear.
Just as the end of the year is coming, so is our friendship?


more to come...

and we are back in Skype...

          That was a one-of-a-kind week! I must say that it is one of the most priceless moments in my life. uhm, not just mine but Steve's too! Since we became friends and started dating, we never really knew how each other would be like in person. We are so used to seeing each other through a webcam. We always use Skype although it gives us a hard time sometimes because I have the "BEST" internet in the whole wide world. LOL

          When I first saw him in person, I was like, he totally look different in real life [good different though]. He also sound very different and oh my, he smell sooo good! LOL. Before the trip, we were kinda thinking that maybe it will be so different that it will be very awkward to talk to each other but it was surprisingly better than what we expected.

          It was so unfamiliar to just have him by my side always and there is no need to rush into the computer just to talk to him. It was magical and I just could not believe that I can hold his hand already and sit beside him.

          But yeah, no matter how breath-taking the trip is, it has to end. Just for a few months though :D. My Fiance is now back in his apartment and we are back to using this Skype thing.

skyping :D

 Thank God for technology. It somehow makes the world smaller. ♥

 

Give us a chance, please?

I don't know if someone had already said anything about this stuff but I feel like I really need to say something. There have been so much stereotyping about it. While in some others, the stereotyping is true, still there are also some that can be considered really genuine relationship.

I am talking about mine and Steve's relationship or as others generalizes that since I am a Filipina and Steve is an American,  I am a Filipina mail ordered bride or “I bet he is rich and she is just after his money” or “she/he is just using him/her”… I could go on and on but I am not going to focus on that one.

Okay here, just because I and Steve started dating even without seeing each other in person first doesn’t mean that our relationship is less genuine than others. See, most relationship starts with friendship and guess what, that is how we started too! We have been friends for at least 3 years now, started dating a year and 8 months ago and just got engaged.

Still pretty much the same with "NORMAL" relationships right?

sunburned and engaged

Here is another thing; Steve is the answer to my prayers. I have been praying to God for a man that I can make a difference in his life. I am not asking for a broken man because God is the only one who can fix our hearts but I was praying for someone that I can show how God loves him so much and that he is someone worth loving and remind him that his past does not define him at all. Honestly, I don’t know how that will be answered but God put that prayer in my heart for years even before I became friends with Steve.

I became friends with Steve through the ministry and we started being friends in Facebook. I never knew that he is God’s answer to my prayers but God revealed it to me after spending time on getting to know him. I told him about it but he told me that I should reconsider my feelings for him. Well I know in my heart that he is already the man that God made for me. I respected his decision and just kept praying for him and continued being friends with him. In my own little way, I made him feel that he is someone worth loving. He then started to look at himself differently and started loving himself more.

That is when we decided to date despite the distance and asked God to help us put him in the center of our relationship and honor him with our love for each other. God has been keeping us together especially in the bad times.

Like what a good friend Audrey said to me: “You know it is a work of our Father when two people who live on opposite sides of the world can find their soul mate in each other.” I believe her!

I ♥ my Fiance!

Our family and the community of believers we belong to support our relationship and always pray for us especially in tough times. We are so thankful to God for them. However, some other people that we know think that our relationship will not work. Even some of the people from my side thinks that I am really just after Steve’s money. Well I don’t really care much on what they think.

The reason that I am writing this post is because I want to ask them to give me and Steve a chance. I know that we don’t have to prove to them how much we love each other but if they have nothing good to say, then they should just seal their mouth close because they are not being a blessing at all. Some from Steve's side thinks that I will just use him too but she apologized after realizing that our relationship is very true and meaningful! ♥

Like what a famous saying says “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” But since those who stereotype us want to be involved with our relationship, we are even willing to let them watch us walk down the aisle together.

God bless their hearts. :D

Me & Him and the distance in between

I totally don't know what to feel right now. It's all mixed emotions! I am so excited that I will finally see him in person. I know a lot of people won’t understand long distance relationships and some even think that it is just something that really won’t last for a long time. I have even read something earlier today that long distance relationships are not allowed in certain groups in church because they believe that people change a lot and if you don't see the person face to face all the time, you will really not be able to know that person full well. I beg to disagree!

  

It is so hard to imagine to have not seen in person someone you love so much (or to love someone so much that you haven't met in person yet, lol). But I would like to say that IT IS POSSIBLE. Since we started dating last August of 2010, I have not seen Steve in person yet and that is not from lack of wanting or desiring to see him. We wanted to see each other so bad but there are so many priorities to choose from and many decisions to make. I need to work on my schooling while he also has some important things to do. We are not saying that seeing each other is not a priority but it’s something that we can postpone for the moment while we are trying to prepare ourselves. We really believe that it is God directing us to make those decisions. The right time will come. We just have to wait.

 

 We have been constantly praying to God for the opportunity to see each other and most of the times the answer is NOT FOR NOW. It is sometimes hard to accept it but then we still continued to ask God that if it is not His plan for us at the moment that He should shut the door close so we can see that it is really not yet time. But if He will already give us a go signal that He will also open the door sooooo wide so we won’t have a problem seeing the opportunity.

 

Well, that is why I have mixed emotions is because it seems that God is already opening the door now!!! He seems to be making all things work out slowly and surely. Sure there are still some few doubts and fears on whether it will really push through now but we trust God and He said in His word that He blesses those who trust Him and He will also provide for them abundantly.

  

I am excited because he will be here in the first week of April! Oh my! I am excited and just looking forward to seeing him in person and look at him in the eye and tell him I love him so much!!! Please help us pray that this will push through. We have great confidence in God because He works in all things to make it work for our good. I also want to thank the people who are helping us in anyway just for us to see each other. I and Steve are indeed blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives.

 

♥

  

I trust you in all things Father! 

A Sunrise Date

Few moments ago, I just had a sunrise date with my Baybee. Yup! A. SUNRISE. DATE! You might ask how that is possible when we are a thousand miles away. That was all possible because of Stevie’s creative and romantic mind. I really thank God for him. I truly don’t know how to fully express my overwhelming happiness in this event. He always makes special things for me and for that I am truly blessed and I feel so loved and cherished.

THE DECISION
 Just last Friday, I decided that I will live in a house near school for a month. [Only for a month because my contract ends this October but I really do hope that they will extend my stay in this work. This has been a great blessing to me.] Going home everyday has been very stressful for me because of the trips that I make. Anyway, living here would mean that I won’t have the internet when I get home and that means not getting to see the man who I am so used to see and talk to everyday at the end and beginning of my day. Not getting to see his cute and silly smiles. Also, I won’t be able to see my cutie niece and my family. It is a very hard decision but it seems to be the right decision to make. I was right. It was hard. It’s even a lot harder than I thought.

THE VIDEOS
 How was it bearable? It was through Steve’s videos. He recorded some videos and sends it to me every day. It was so comforting getting to see him smile. The way his hands move. The way he looks at me. His mannerisms. I have never really studied them that much until I get to watch his videos over and over and over again.

THE SUNRISE DATE
 The latest thing that he recorded was him watching the sunrise in the park. He researched on when the sunrise is in the Philippines and when is the sunrise in Arkansas. He then pre-recorded a sunrise so I can watch it when the sun is also rising here in my time. Isn’t that the most sweetest thing ever! [MS Word underlined the word MOST SWEETEST with green. I know it’s redundant but you must admit it WORD, it was the most sweetest thing ever! lol] He also called me so it feels like we are really watching the sunrise together.

DO SOMETHING TOGETHER 
 We realized that since we don’t see each other that much anymore, we can do little things like watch sunrise together even when its pre-recorded or big things like praying together at certain times and have quite time during a particular time. Maybe we can also include eating at the same time or drinking water at the same time? LOL. Well, maybe it’s too much but then again, maybe it’s not. So I guess we might have to really do just that. :D

I can’t let this man go! He is the one I’m going to marry. That is for certain. You might say it will be hard. We know. It will be a lot harder than what you and I think but God’s word says that we should not be anxious about it but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, we will present this request to God, this prayer to Him and His peace which transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and mind in Christ Jesus. He will make things work. That is for certain. ♥

SIX months and counting

An event is coming. Birthday, anniversary and things like that. You have your mind on it. Excited for that day and the things you are going to do. You talk about it a lot. Then the day came and you completely forget that it is that day until somebody reminds you of it...

Yup! That happened to me more than once already. Sometimes it will be a family member's birthday or worse mine. I won't completely forget it. I just won’t remember it on the earlier part of the day. Then when I remember it, I will call or text that someone right away.

It happened to me again. I totally forgot that it’s the 11th of the February which means that I am dating Steve for six months now. I was always thinking of this day but then completely forgot it until, well, Steve reminded me. Hahah. It’s no big deal really. I just find it funny how I forget events on the first few parts of the day.

But anyway, I am so happy to be dating this awesome man for six months already. He is my special gift from God and I'll always be thankful to God for him.

Now, Valentine's Day is coming, my first ever with someone special to celebrate with. Maybe not in person though :( but we will make it up to each other on the next few Valentine’s Day along the way. YAY! I'm excited about it but then again, I hope I won't forget. LOL.