Worry Be Gone!

I am a die hard but not your typical type of worrier.

Yes, that's right, W-O-R-R-I-E-R (not to be confused with warrior).

A lot of people worry so much but they keep pushing through and still do things anyway.

I on the other hand is a worrier and will do my best to stay away from things that I need to do.

So I'm not just a worrier, I'm also a procrastinator.

Excellent recipe for success. NOT! 

The past three years to present are what I consider that most difficult years I've ever had in my entire 24-year life. 

And the truth is, I don't know how to make things better. 

I have been worried for so long that I don't know how to be not afraid anymore. 

It's like anytime I think I have all the courage in the world, there I go running towards my coward/worry/loser corner

over and over and over again...

It is easier to share a story of our life when we are through that chapter already.

It's easier to write a testimony and sing a song of victory if we are on the other side of the bridge.

But it is a different struggle when we are still in the battlegrounds fighting that one last enemy, 

when we are almost to the end of the chapter and 

when we are about to reach the end of the bridge. 

Trust me.

In my case, in my schooling, in my thesis writing,
I am hiding in the "comfort" of  my worry corner rather than swishing my sword for one last time
and taking a few more steps to reach the end. 

Crazy isn't it?

But I want that to change.

I do! I know how!

I just didn't want to do it for some bizarre reasons I don't even have. 

Crazy again right? 

I want to swish my sword and take that final step. 

I have been wanting to for a very looooong time. 

However, I'm realizing that I could want to do all the things in the world but if I don't make a move,

 even just one tiny nudge,
I will just keep wanting these same things over and over again until I am filled with disappointments and frustrations for not having what I want

and eventually believing I can't have it;
that I don't deserve it. 

*sigh* 

Been there. Done that. 

A lot of times. 

It's like a crazy cycle I can't get out of.

The truth is my God is an awesome God and
He is reigning from heaven above with wisdom and power and love. 

The truth is my circumstances may be different every time, but God doesn't change. 

The truth is I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. 

The thing is I am not holding on to these truths about my Father God and about my Lord Jesus. 

I have the armor of God but I am not using them properly or not using them at all. 

My sword is super rusty and as how Jessica puts it in her recent post,
"It's so dull it just tickles".

But I will try again. 

I am trying again and this time, I will hold on to these truths as if my life depends on it (it should!). 

It's not gonna be an easy road but if I want something to change, then I have to do something different. 

As what my Fiance lovingly reminded me two years ago,

 I have been consumed by the same fears/worries and I have to stop letting it consume me. 

It's the same fear I've had for years and it's  not solving anything. 

It's not gonna get my thesis done. 

Yes I didn't fail, but this fear is just postponing the great life that God has in store for me.

It has to stop.

I have committed to reading the four Gospels intensively this year so I can know more about my Lord Jesus, 

his story, 

his life,

his teachings. 

He surely has things to say to about just any problems we might have in our lives. 

As for my worries, this is what he has to say:

Are you having the same struggles like mine?

I am right here praying for you. ♥

Let us start putting our armor on and fight the good fight of faith.